Where Is The Lo(v)e

[I wrote this on 13th]

14th February is at the edge. It's coming again, for people who passionately saying their lust and ego are the true meaning of love. It's kinda funny to think people will spend too much money on gifts for someone that won't be there at the hard times and those cheesy captions on instagram that definitely sounds stupid, which makes you questionable about how exactly their brains work. Don't got me wrong guys..., I do NOT hate valentine day, I just do not looking forward to it (?) Yeah, yeah probably because I'm single and lonely or whatever the reasons you think of.

I got a friend who constantly saying they're (yes, gotta use "they" so you won't know the gender) pitying me because I'm single whatsoever, to the point it annoy me. I am a chill girl, although you say something really bad about me, I won't take it seriously or I will forget it the next day. But! this friend, who already got a mate, omg, keep saying things like I have the urge to have a boyfriend. Like I'm dying for affections, which I'm not, because I'm not like them, HA! I got so much affections from people around me and I think it's enough for me, at least for now. I don't think I need those affections in sexual way yet. Like hell yeah, I'm still 19 y.o, so green and still don't know how umami taste like.

When I was in the last year of junior high school, I got a huge crush on one of my classmate (I wonder if he's gonna read this) On valentine day, that year, I got him a chocolate and a letter saying "Love You". The letter is actually from letters of a newspaper that I cut one by one, because I'm too afraid he would know it was from me if I write it by hand. I put it at his "kolong bangku" when no one around, and dash away after that. To be honest, to think I really did that, just got me jaw drops, like.. damn I'm so freaking brave,lol. And the funny thing is.. he was asking me if I saw someone put chocolate at his table, and I answer "It's me, fucker" Lol, no way I would say that.

I was lucky enough to date this guy (since I used to like him), but we broke up after 3 months, why? because of my ego. You could say that I'm not mature enough to suppress my own desire for someone else sake at that time. Because.. isn't that the meaning of being in relationship? being tied down, haha *insert bdsm pun* Well, actually I still can't do it now too. That's why I choose not to be in relationship yet, because I could see it would be a hopeless kind. For me being in relationship is quite a big thing, I mean, the purpose of "dating" is to get know your partner better before the marriage right? (well, if you planning to have one). If you can't picture yourself with your partner in few years later, then... what's the point of it? is it just for fun? or for killing time? well.. I'm not one of those girl so that's why.

I'm in one phase of my life where I'm really happy with everything that I have. My family are healthy, my study is doing well (I guess, lol), my friends are kind, and a lot more. My life is pretty good and I'm satisfied of that. So, for my dear friend who is annoying sometimes, because you keep saying stupid things like you are stupid I don't think I need to take your advice to heart because I know myself better than you are, I choose to enjoy my life at fullest and be happy in my way than being in some troublesome relationship which only hurts people feeling. For everyone who's single this year.. please don't look down on yourself, just focus on improving yourself, and believe me.. it's gonna worth in the future. And for my friends who already got someone to fuck boyfriend/girlfriend, I hope you are happy with your choices and don't be a jerk.. like 'that' friend.

So, yeah.. Happy Valentine Guys
with love,
Trisna