A Little Love Story Won't Kill(?)

Have you ever fallen for someone so hard before? 

You don't even know the reason why you love him, but your eyes always looking at him every time you have the chance. 

You're too afraid to make a conversation and makes you look like you're the bad one.

Tried so hard to act like a perfect lady when he's around, 

Every thing that related to him just makes you happy to know,

Re-read every text or chat that he sent to you,

Smiles for no reason every time you remember cute moments with him,

Felling stupid when the just read your chat,

Tried so hard to impress him so he could notice you,

Stupid isn't? It's really strange, how could a girl change a personality when she's fall in love. To be honest, I'm not really into those kind of things. "Love" is such a heavy word. No one knows the real meaning of it. I love my mom, I love my dad, I love my family so much.. but the ''love'' for my family is different from my love to my pets, to tasty food, to my friends and other things. Love could be someone's everything and it could be nothing for some people. Love is something that you can't ask for and really complicated. "Cinta datang karena terbiasa", I think this sentence is quite right, there's no love in first sight.

But for me love is such a mood-boaster.. it makes you happy then it hurts you. It keeps your smile on your lips then it asks for your tears.. It's kinda funny to write something like this..because in high school I tried so hard to not fall in love, especially with "boys as a boyfriend". I used to think that in relationship is really troublesome.. don't ask me why. My first boyfriend was such a good guy (now ex), I accept him because it was a trend to have a boyfriend (I know I was a jerk). He's really kind to me (too kind), always ask for my opinions, laughs when I told him my lame jokes, remember my schedule and a lot more sweet things that he did for me. And... we broke up.. for no reason (I'm the one who is wrong). After that, we don't talk anymore, we chose different high school and never meet after that (until today). It kinda sad to face this reality..the facts than we won't be ''that close'' anymore. 

In high school I repeat this thing one more time. Someone confess to me, I have no reason to reject him.. and I just accept him without think about how we gonna be first. We broke up after a quite long time together. The reason? this time it's not 100% my fault, but I still don't want to talk about it.

After I broke up some people tried to make a move to me, but I always act like I don't want them in my life. The fact that everything won't be the same anymore always scared me to reply their kindness. "Is this right if I'm close with him?" "Will I regret it?" "Should I?" "Will this hurt me?"  

so.. is this right for me to love you..? when there is chance I will get hurt..