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Wednesday, July 29, 2020

The Equality We Fight For

(art by J. Howard Miller, 1943)

Hi there, it's been a while since I actually write something worthy here. Somehow this blog become a "poetry" ass kind of blog (which I don't mind) but for now let's change that. People who know me (not they thought they know me, because I'm a fake bitch) knew most of time I have strong opinions about every problems in this world, and I understand those opinions aren't for everyone. I used to wrote all of my opinions on a twitter thread but I don't feel like it's enough to get all of what I'm trying to say through just tweets.And I don't really like the audience on twitter anymore.

Let's talk about feminism, which means "the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes". The classic "equality". What's is that mean? what is "equality" in this case. As what I remember in my whole life I have always been fighting for this equality. In Balinese culture, it's not a shock anymore of our parent's sexist behavior. Boys will always be treated better than girls, and I know in most of Indonesia province are also like this, but I'm not talking in their places. I have to say it sucks to be born in this world without our consent, then being treated like less than the other gender or even worse, an object.

My dad used to tell me and my sister to do all the house chores all the time but, never say anything to my big brother. Why do you ask? Because we are women. It's our job to clean the house, cook, and do other things that women "suppose" to do. Hey don't get me wrong.. I'm not against doing the house chores as a kid, but.., don't you think it's a bit unfair to treat you children differently when we can't decide our own gender? Let's say that if being a girl or being a boy is a job and we could choose which job tasks we would like to do, then it's fine, but that's not how it is. We could not choose being a girl or a boy before we were born. If I have to be frank, I'm just gonna say, if I work on the house chores, my big bro needs to work on the house chores too, and let our ability and choices be the one which decide what kind of house chores we suppose to do, but not because our fucking gender. 

"It's how it is, women have to do these kind of stuff, because you guys are women", said my dad all the time (yeah, fuck you 2010's dad). One day I fed up with this bullshit and snapped, I told him that it was really unfair to oppresses women (specially his daughters) doing things what society thinks women suppose to do. Doing the house chores like cleaning, cooking etc is GENERAL BASIC SURVIVING SKILLS, it's not only women's job and it's not only men's job. It will be really wise for him to teach his son (who is my big bro) these basic surviving skills too. And I would love to learn how to fix broken stuff, carrying aqua bottle, loading the electric pulses and other stuff which society associated with "men's job". And he is really not in the place to talk about how women suppose to act, because we know my mom brings more money in the house.

How long we need to be exist in this world to realize that people's job have no boundaries. Women can do what men "suppose" do to, so do men, they could do what women "suppose" to do. The equality we fight right now is suppose to be the chances that given in both genders, not only women but also for men. It was that simple... "the chances". If women want to do the man's job or want to be in their job position, then  we need to assess if the ability of the women is the same as men to do so. Because we can't deny the fact that women's body and men's body work differently. For example, women's bodies  are design to be weaker than men's,  that's just how it is. It's harder for women gain muscle than men. But! it's not impossible, if we could do more, practice more and work more, there are some chances we could be as strong as they are (tho it's hard, it's not 100% impossible) but the chance for us (women) doing so should be available.

Now lets talk about the "feminism" on twitter. I HATE TWITTER FEMINIST :) they often bring their arguments by lowering the men down (ofc, not all of them). What is it for?? Yes, some men could be really trash and shit but, women could do the same thing too. If they (men) get it wrong, then correct them, not lowering them down and pleaseee do that to women too. I did that to my dad, all the time, I don't like how my dad used to treat me so I fought for "this equality" in such a long time (I don't blame him 100% since he was born in the family where men were literally kings) and my dad finally accepted it. His era and my era were different and he needs to understand about it, he simply doesn't know because it was different when he was young. Now, he support me following my dreams, asked me to do house chores simply because I'm his child not because I'm a woman and respect my opinions because I'm worthy enough to be his discussion mate and it feels great.

It probably sounds so naive but I believe that we could slowly change Indonesia to a better place, one by one more people would understand basic humanity like this, and respect each other because we are human, we all the same. And all genders are worthy to protect.

Sunday, July 26, 2020

overwhelmed



I don't know how to act. I'm confused and lost. I thought I would be okay.. yet my heart got broken  again. Trisna oh my dear Trisna.. you know the situation better than anyone who are willing to give  you life advises about this. And to be honest, you also knew this situation better than him, yet how could it turn out like this? How crazy it's when both of you knew it's impossible to move forward than this yet you (Trisna), still can't decide the obvious thing to let him go.

What are looking for from him? you know it too well Trisna, you deserve someone better than him. A lot better! You deserve a whole package gentleman who treats you like a princess, just like how you want it to be. The perfect life that you are always imagine, which full of passionate love that never dies. Hey, Is it your ego win over you? The ego of wanting to be the best girl in his life who loves him to the fullest? Or is it just a simple empathy? Either way.. why would you care? Why would you suffer yourself for something like this? Like.. could you simply tell me one reason Tris..

"You are not obligated to fix him for his past", that's exactly what my sister said whenever I made excuses for him treating me like no one. What's my goal? giving him the better life that full of love? But, what is it for? Why should you do that? It's not your job Trisna. It's not your fucking job!! He ignored your texts! YOU ARE DISTURBING HIM! You confuse him with his life decisions also Tris, you made it hard for him too. You said you want his happiness more than anything right? Then you should stop doing this, and respect his decisions, okay Tris?

I'm having conversation in my head with myself, neck to neck yelling between my logic and my feelings, while listening to Gayatri Mantra to calm me down a bit. You  need to wake up baby Trisna, open your eyes, open them wide. You did all of these for whom? not for you, not for him, so for whom?

"But, he's my source of happiness, then it's for me right? I'm doing this for me right?" Well tris, let me ask you one question, is he the only source of your happiness? "No.. no he isn't" Then, how about you start finding it somewhere else? "I did try to find it in other people but, it never like how it is when I'm with him. it was different", How so? "I don't know, I really don't know.. I'm not sure myself". Then, why don't you try to find it inside yourself Tris, you may free your soul from this seeking game.

"He said he love me", yes Trisna, he did say that, I know... But, it still doesn't change anything right? it still doesn't change a thing! you still can't have him. "That's why I will love him in silent and far away like how I always do", But Trisna, it will hurt you even more, he wants you to be happy! don't you listen to what he got to say!? "And did you forget what I just say? He is also part of my happiness, I'm happy to love him this way..until the day he found his forever" So.. are you going to settle for less and making this sacrifice even bigger? "Well, if you put it that way.. I guess I will". You know you are doing something so stupid right? "Hahaha, I know, I also think this is a stupid thing to do. But, if God let me, I want to do it this way a bit longer". You will regret this decision Trisna, "Hopefully not as much as what people expect me, But, right now I feel like I will regret it even more if I don't do it this way"

Hey Trisna, it's time for you to visit to your doctor, don't miss it out again like last month. "Okay"