a fool

rushed back into old memories

everytime darkness coming thru as she closed her eyes

she found herself his replacement

a perfect size body pillow with imagination of his body warm

as she closed her eyes, as tighter her hug becomes

sleeping was easy for her

but now, the ice wall has melted,

the ice wall that protected her,

the wall which getting higher as love keep disappointed her, has gone.

no, she opened the door for him

because she loved him.

it was her first love

"dont be a fool, he doesnt want you"

"you are ugly, he prefer someone prettier"

"your family sucks, it's toxic for him"

"you are too fat, he cant even carry you"

"you are too clingy, it annoys him"

"you are useless, get lost"

her mind is trying to kill her

she knew, she wasn't a perfect match for him

but, what if...

what if she tried hard enough to get prettier

what if her family doesnt despite them

what if she strave herself to get skinnier

what if she took 'happy pills' to handle her behavior

what if she could abandon her problems to help him

....what if things were differently

will they have different ending?




she closes her eyes

sinking into her darkest friend

who tries to kill her

because she knew things won't change